Archives for category: Transgender

I was asked to write this piece to give a transgender perspective on the Let Toys be Toys campaign. I am a transgender woman; I was classified as male at birth and I transitioned to female in adulthood. Many transgender people will say that they realised they were different at a very early age and so for us the rigid gender policing of the toys we play with can result in lasting damage and hurt. I am no exception to this.

One of my earliest memories is as a child at playgroup at the local village hall. How old was I? Two or three maybe? I was playing with toys along with some other children in a side room off the main hall when one of the staff came in. She picked me up and took me from the toys I was playing with and put me down next to different toys on the other side of the room, so I went back to where I’d been enjoying myself. Then the same thing happened again; a pair of arms picked me up and placed me with the other toys. I wasn’t interested, so I went back again. The third time I was holding a Hamble type doll which was grabbed away from me and I was smacked or scolded, I can’t remember which, but I was upset as I was the only child who’d been treated that way. I learned my lesson and from then on would only play with a very limited range of toys. At that age I couldn’t easily differentiate between “boy” and “girl” toys for myself, so I became unadventurous and my social exclusion followed.

This was the mid-seventies. If anything I think the problem of gendered toys is now far worse, even though parental attitudes towards gender diversity are probably more liberal. In those days it wasn’t unusual to see children playing with what would now be considered “opposite gender” toys in catalogue illustrations; nor was there quite so much sickly pink on offer. Now as I shop for presents for nieces and nephews I see that the gender roles are increasingly demarcated with girls forced towards domesticity and beauty, whereas adventure and science toys are definitely for boys only. Why? Why are manufacturers and retailers excluding 50% of their potential market for every item? Where’s the business sense in that?

Being punished before I was three for wanting to play in the ”wrong” role was almost certainly behind my lack of confidence in coming out as transgender which left me in a horrible limbo. I had learned in my formative years that any expression of my femininity was naughty which prevented me from alerting my own liberal minded parents who I now know would have been accepting and supportive. It set me up for a lifetime of loneliness, lack of social bonding and being an outcast. I’m still shocked that as a child I was prevented from expressing myself in a safe and supervised environment where I was doing no harm either to myself or others.

To this day socialising still doesn’t come naturally even now that I’m confident in my own body. Our childhood years, especially younger than five, are the time at which we take on the bulk of the social conditioning which will carry us through our lives. The things that harm us then are the things which frighten us forever and the lessons we learn aren’t easily put aside, and so it was for me and thousands of other transgender people as well as anyone else whose interests and identities diverge from the perceived (or imposed) norm.

My fear now is that any kind of variance from such strictly enforced gender marketing will be social suicide for any child who is ever exposed to peer-pressure. Which young girl with the aptitude to make great scientific discoveries may be turned away from realising that potential because it’s not what society expects of her? How many more boys will grow up believing it’s unmanly to iron their own shirts and cook their own dinner? And how many more transgender, intersex and gender-nonconforming kids will be forced into loneliness, despair and self-harm because they are too afraid to express their own personalities through the toys they play with?

I’m conscious that my argument might suggest that transgender people are reinforcing gender stereotypes by wanting to play only with “opposite-gender” toys but this is not the case; most of us gain our enjoyment from a variety of different pursuits. Gender is a spectrum not an either/or absolute. Many young boys have no desire to play with ultra-macho things like guns. There are plenty of women who are car enthusiasts and some of the best chefs are men. We should all have the opportunity to play with the toys which best express our personalities and shape the people we are to become. Everyone should be allowed to find their own space on the gender spectrum and maximise their future potential without having their whole life defined by a cursory glance from a midwife at birth.

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Several years ago when I first transitioned I changed my name on my bank account. It  seemed to go through okay. A few months later when I tried to use telephone  banking – something i’d been doing frequently – I was told very abruptly by the  operative that “I didn’t sound like the account holder”. Before I had the chance  to remonstrate he hung up on me. I had entered all the security questions  correctly so the only problem was the operative’s perception of my voice coupled  with the “gender” associated with my name. As if I would deliberately try to  access a “female” named account with a “male” sounding  voice.
Next time I tried to  access telephone banking I discovered I was permanently locked out and the only  way I could access my account henceforth was through the branch. This was at a  time in my life when I was genuinely afraid to go out in public and walking down  to the bank was not something I relished. I decided I would do it just once  – to shut my account.
On reaching the  branch I was taken to a desk in a public area where I was made to explain my  situation within earshot of other customers before they managed to – so I  thought – approve the closure of my account.
This month – three years later – I received a new debit card from them.
So I called the number to report the problem as I  didn’t much want a dead bank account generating things like Debit cards and  sending them out. None of the phone lines I tried had an option for “bank  screwups”; the most likely option then went into voice recognition software  which is a no-no for me due to insecurity about my voice (see above) so I  hung up.
I eventually got in  through the internet banking helpdesk and was put through to an operative in the  banking section who listened to my problem and promised me all sorts of  financial compensation for the phonecall and distress and then told me that the  account was in fact still open and that i’d have to go into the branch and  close my account again… hold on hadn’t I done that already? If they  hadn’t been able to perform this simple task the first time, how could  I be sure that they’d manage it the second? And this is the branch where i’d  previously felt humiliated and had resolved never to cross the threshold again.  I dug my heels in. She went to talk to her manager and put me on hold. She  came back and told me she was really, really sorry but i’d have to go into the  branch. I dug my heels in. She went to her manager again and put me on hold for  ages… when she came back she said i’d have to continue on hold and before I  could say another thing I was back on hold… so I hung up. I was at work  and so I couldn’t justify any more time holding.
This’ll be the  legendary private sector efficiency then?